Funerals outside the crematorium – and why talking about death matters

More families are choosing direct cremation, but many still want a meaningful way to say goodbye. As a funeral celebrant in Chesterfield, I support families across Derbyshire, South Yorkshire, the Peak District and Nottinghamshire to create personal services and memorials outside the crematorium - and to have gentle conversations about death before they’re needed. The average cost of a funeral in the UK in 2025 is between £4,000 and £6,000. Around £4,000 will usually cover a basic cremation, including the crematorium fee, celebrant and a simple coffin. A basic burial is typically £5,000 and upwards. When you compare this with a direct (or pure) cremation, which averages around £1,600, it’s easy to understand why more people are choosing this option. For many families, especially in the current economic climate, finding several thousand pounds at short notice can feel overwhelming. Direct cremation can often be paid for in advance or by instalments, and many people choose it believing they are easing both the emotional and financial burden on their loved ones. For some families, that decision feels absolutely right. For others, something feels unfinished.

When there’s no service

Without a service of any kind, families can be left feeling a little adrift. There may be no clear moment to pause, to reflect, or to properly say goodbye. Some people choose to put money behind the bar at the wake as a way of marking the loss, and for some, that works. But it doesn’t always provide what a service, celebration of life or memorial can offer. There is something gently powerful about sitting together, hearing memories spoken aloud, sharing grief, and giving ourselves time to reflect. That shared space can bring comfort, connection and a sense of closure before moving on.

Services and memorials outside the crematorium

This is where funerals and memorials outside of a crematorium can be a meaningful and flexible alternative. As a funeral celebrant based in Chesterfield, I work with families across Derbyshire, South Yorkshire, the Peak District and Nottinghamshire, creating services that are personal, unhurried and shaped around the people involved. There is far more flexibility than many people realise. You might choose to: - Wait for ashes to be returned and hold a memorial later - Have a service before a direct cremation takes place - Gather weeks or even months afterwards, once the initial shock has eased Venues can be almost anywhere, a favourite pub, a village hall, a garden, a beach, or somewhere that simply feels right. There is no single “correct” way to do this. There is only what feels right for you.

Why talking about death beforehand really matters

What I see, time and time again, is that these conversations haven’t happened before someone dies. Families are then left making difficult decisions while grieving, often unsure whether they are doing what their loved one would have wanted. And yet, we plan so much of our lives. We plan, we dream, we change direction. We fall down and get back up again. We make decisions constantly. The one thing we know will happen, without fail, is that we will die, and still, so often, we do nothing to plan or choose what we would like. It remains one of life’s great taboos.

A simple example - mine

I know exactly what I’d like when I die. I’d love my family and friends to have an afternoon tea, because it’s something I truly enjoy. I’d want them to bring photos and memories, to sit together and share stories. I’d like someone to talk about me, my life, my quirks, my moments, just to acknowledge that I mattered, and that my little speck of time on this planet had its place. And I’d like “Don’t You (Forget About Me)” by Simple Minds played at the beginning or the end. I’m not fussed which. It’s from The Breakfast Club, my favourite film. Nothing complicated. Just meaningful. And my family know this……..because I’ve told them. No one knows what you want unless you say it. And surely, we all deserve a moment that acknowledges a life lived

Let’s talk - before you need to

If you’d like to talk, just talk, I’m here. It can feel difficult to raise these conversations with loved ones - and that’s completely understandable. I can help guide the conversation, or simply listen, with no pressure and no urgency. Whether you’re planning ahead, considering a memorial after a direct cremation, or just want to understand your options, we can talk it through - calmly and at your pace. If you’re in Chesterfield, Derbyshire, South Yorkshire, the Peak District or Nottinghamshire, feel free to get in touch. Just a conversation. Nothing more - unless you want it to be. I've asked my Facebook friends to search my website from google, so you may see a little more activity. I also keep getting emails but they are not answerable. I thought it was just a nonsense but I'm not sure as I got one today and thought it may be someone trying to contact me. I'll forward it to you. Thanks xx